I stumbled upon this article by Laura McKowen, "The Pregnancy Principle", and I thought it was genius. Think about it. When a woman is pregnant, she has no problem asking for what she needs for her baby, saying no to what isn't good for the baby, and not feeling guilty for doing it. Most women I know who have been pregnant ALWAYS put the babies needs first. I think it's easy for women to do this when they are pregnant because it's FOR the baby, not always specifically for them.

What if women could be this assertive about their needs without being pregnant? This is the whole premise behind Laura's article. Laura describes the Pregnancy Principle as including the following 4 points:

The Pregnancy Principle states the following:

· Your well-being comes first.

· If it doesn't support your well-being, don't do it. No, really. Just don't.

· Be unapologetically selfish with your energy and time.

· In other, less squishy words, f*ck everything and everyone else (for a while)

Laura does a great job describing each of these points and how we can implement these ideas into our lives WITHOUT being pregnant!

Why the Pregnancy Principle Is So Hard (Even When You Know Better)

Most of us understand, intellectually, that we need to take care of ourselves. We've heard the airplane analogy: put your own oxygen mask on first. We know burnout is real. We've read the articles. And yet — we still say yes when we mean no, push through exhaustion, and feel guilty the moment we prioritize our own rest or needs.

This isn't a failure of willpower. It's the result of deeply ingrained patterns — often rooted in early experiences — around what we believe we deserve, what being "good" looks like, and who we're allowed to inconvenience.

For many women, self-advocacy feels easier when it's for someone else. When you're pregnant, protecting yourself is protecting your baby — so it doesn't feel selfish. The Pregnancy Principle flips that script: it asks you to treat your own well-being as though it is the baby. Non-negotiable. Worth protecting. Worth saying no for.

What Gets in the Way

If you've tried to apply the Pregnancy Principle and found it harder than it sounds, you're not alone. A few of the most common barriers:

Guilt. Prioritizing yourself can feel deeply selfish, especially if you've been conditioned to equate self-sacrifice with love or worthiness. Even when you know better, guilt can override your best intentions.

Anxiety. Saying no, disappointing people, or being seen as "difficult" can trigger real anxiety — particularly for high-achievers and people-pleasers whose sense of safety has long depended on keeping others happy.

Low self-worth. If part of you believes your needs matter less than everyone else's, it's almost impossible to advocate for them consistently. Self-worth isn't just confidence — it's the quiet belief that you are worth protecting.

Burnout. Chronic burnout depletes exactly the mental and emotional resources you'd need to enforce boundaries in the first place, creating a cycle that can feel impossible to break on your own.

When Therapy Can Help

Understanding the Pregnancy Principle is a starting point. But actually applying it — especially when guilt, anxiety, or old patterns keep pulling you back — is where therapy can make a real difference.

At Silver Lining Counseling, we work with women who are exhausted from over-giving and ready to build a different relationship with their own needs. Whether you're dealing with burnout, low self-worth, chronic anxiety, or a deep-seated sense that everyone else's needs come before yours, therapy offers a space to understand where those patterns started — and start shifting them.

If the Pregnancy Principle resonated with you, that's worth paying attention to. You can learn more about how we approach counseling for self-esteem and self-worth, burnout and anxiety therapy, and what it looks like to finally put yourself first — without guilt.