Healing Isn’t Linear: Why It’s Okay to Have Setbacks
When you're on a healing journey—whether from trauma, a substance use disorder, burnout, or mental health challenges—it’s easy to hope that progress will move in a straight, upward line. Step by step. Better and better. Day by day.
But anyone who's actually walked this path knows: healing isn’t linear. Some days feel hopeful and full of light. Other days feel like you’ve taken ten steps backward, and it can be hard not to feel discouraged. These ups and downs aren’t just common—they’re part of the process. Setbacks don’t mean you’ve failed. In fact, they’re often a sign that real growth is happening.
In this post, we’ll explore why healing doesn’t follow a neat timeline, why setbacks are normal (and even valuable), and how you can begin to relate to your healing process with more grace, patience, and self-compassion.
The Myth of Linear Healing
There’s a common narrative that recovery or healing should look like a checklist:
Identify the problem ✅
Go to therapy ✅
Do the work ✅
Feel better ✅
It’s a comforting idea because it gives us a sense of control. But in reality, healing is rarely that predictable.
Our emotional wounds don’t operate on a schedule. We might feel better for a while, then be unexpectedly triggered by a memory, a smell, a conversation, or even just a stressful week. That doesn't mean we're broken or doing something wrong. It means we’re human.
Healing, especially from deep pain like trauma or addiction, is more like a spiral. You revisit the same places, but each time you’re seeing them with a bit more awareness, a bit more strength. It may feel like you’re back at square one, but often, you’re actually processing things on a deeper level.
Why Setbacks Happen
Setbacks can take many forms—feeling emotionally raw again after months of feeling strong, returning to use after a period of sobriety, withdrawing from loved ones, or falling into old thought patterns. Here are a few reasons they might happen:
1. Your nervous system is still healing.
Trauma and chronic stress can deeply impact the nervous system. Even after cognitive insight and behavioral change, your body may still be on high alert. A perceived threat—even if it’s not dangerous—can bring on anxiety, panic, or dissociation. This doesn’t mean you’re “backsliding.” It means your system is still learning how to feel safe.
2. Life keeps happening.
Healing doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Life continues to throw curve balls—grief, relationships, work stress, health scares. These moments can stir up unresolved pain or emotional patterns. It’s not regression; it’s your body trying to cope the best way it knows how.
3. You’re going deeper.
Sometimes, what feels like a setback is actually progress. As you build more capacity to feel, you might start accessing deeper layers of hurt or trauma that you previously couldn’t face. It can feel overwhelming, but it’s also a sign of resilience. You’re expanding your window of tolerance.
The Emotional Toll of Setbacks
Setbacks can be incredibly discouraging. They often bring shame, self-blame, and hopelessness—especially if you’ve been working hard to make progress.
You might find yourself thinking:
“I should be over this by now.”
“Why am I back here again?”
“What’s wrong with me?”
But here’s the truth: nothing is wrong with you. You are not failing. You’re just in a very human process that takes time, and sometimes, it takes more than one try. In fact, research in areas like addiction and trauma recovery shows that relapse or emotional setbacks are often part of the healing trajectory—not signs that it isn’t working.
Re-framing Setbacks as Part of the Journey
What if we stopped thinking of setbacks as failures and started thinking of them as feedback?
Each setback offers information. It shows us where we still need support, where we might be pushing ourselves too hard, or where old wounds are asking for more care.
Here’s how to begin shifting your perspective:
1. Practice self-compassion.
Treat yourself the way you would treat a close friend who’s struggling. Instead of criticizing yourself, try saying: “This is hard, and I’m doing the best I can. I’m allowed to have hard days.”
2. Zoom out.
Instead of focusing only on today, look at the broader arc of your healing. Chances are, you’ve made progress—even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment. Journaling or talking with a therapist can help you recognize how far you've come.
3. Identify the trigger.
What preceded the setback? Was there a situation, thought, or experience that overwhelmed your system? This isn’t about blame—it’s about understanding. That awareness can help you create better boundaries or coping strategies moving forward.
4. Reconnect to your resources.
Whether it’s grounding exercises, therapy, movement, connection with others, or time in nature—go back to what supports your nervous system. These tools aren’t just for crises; they’re part of long-term healing.
What Therapists Want You to Know
As therapists, we see it all the time: people come in feeling ashamed that they’re “back where they started.” But more often than not, what they’re actually doing is moving through a new layer of growth. Healing happens in waves. Sometimes those waves feel choppy. Sometimes they pull you under. But you always come back up.
We also want you to know that healing doesn’t mean becoming someone new. It’s about becoming more of yourself—more connected, more grounded, more whole. And that kind of transformation doesn’t happen overnight. It happens in moments: one courageous choice, one vulnerable conversation, one breath at a time.
Permission to Be Where You Are
If you're reading this and you're in a place that feels hard, let this be your permission slip:
You’re allowed to struggle, even after you’ve made progress.
You’re allowed to rest without making it mean you're lazy.
You’re allowed to ask for help, again and again.
You’re allowed to be a work in progress.
Setbacks don’t mean you’re broken. They mean you're alive, learning, and trying. And that’s more than enough.
Final Thoughts: Resilience Looks Like This
Healing isn’t about never falling down—it’s about learning how to rise with kindness toward yourself when you do. Resilience isn’t measured by how perfectly you navigate your pain, but by how you keep showing up for yourself, even when things feel messy.
So next time you hit a low point, remember: this too is part of the journey. Not a detour. Not a failure. Just a bend in the road.
You’re not alone in this. And you’re doing better than you think.
Are you navigating a difficult season in your healing journey? Our therapists are here to walk alongside you—with compassion, without judgment, and with a deep understanding of how complex healing can be. If you're interested in learning more, click on the "Start Today" button, complete the google form and we will get in touch with you shortly!